That's the question before you tonight. Not, "If I stop to help the sanitation workers, what will happen to all of the hours that I usually spend in my office every day and every week as a pastor?" The question is not, "If I stop to help this man in need, what will happen to me?" "If I do not stop to help the sanitation workers, what will happen to them?" That's the question. Let us rise up tonight with a greater readiness. Let us stand with a greater determination. And let us move on in these powerful days, these days of challenge to make America what it ought to be. We have an opportunity to make America a better nation.
-Martin Luther King, Jr. (from "I have Been to the Mountaintop").

Monday, April 18, 2011

Counting My Blessings

“The death of the Lord our God should not be a cause of shame for us; rather, it should be our greatest hope, our greatest glory. In taking upon himself the death that he found in us, he has most faithfully promised to give us life in him, such as we cannot have of ourselves.” – Saint Augustine

So I broke down and did it. After nearly a month of resistance I went to noon mass at the shrine. As a Catholic who spent three years in seminary, I’m not really sure what I’ve been fighting by refusing to go to daily mass. Is it a lack of willingness or merely laziness? Is it wanting to go back to a life I lived before? Because I’ve crossed that Rubicon and will never be able to revert to being a secular Catholic again. I’ve seen too much.

Msgr. Rossi gave a nice, practical homily that seemed to reflect Augustine’s thoughts from the Office of Readings this morning. The office really spoke to me as I dozed more than usual. I also discovered that the newer, split level train cars have a bathroom (score!), which I found just before I decided to get out at Rockville and find a grassy knoll. Both Augustine and the Letter to the Hebrews were all about perseverance and gratefulness. This Lent has definitely been one of perseverance. Continuing to commit to the truth of Christ has been at times very difficult. I want to throw this pearl of great price down the drain, or maybe just put it in a safety deposit for a while, and go out and have fun.

Even still, I know from experience that only deeper loneliness lies at the heart of the hedonistic life. Like my mother always told me, in times of doubt I have to count my blessings. My book is in a good place, I’m healthy and have a job. Now if I could only find my glasses life would be complete.

Monday, April 11, 2011

Dispatches from a Not So Lost Dog

Young, young, young
Only wanting the word
Sifting through the madness for the word, the line, the way

-Charles Bukowski “Neither William Shakespeare nor Mickey Spillane”

I was in the Lost Dog Coffee Shop in Shepherdstown a few weeks ago when I began to journal on a scrap of sketchbook paper which had been laying beneath a bulletin board. When I filled the page with my own words and turned it over, I discovered that someone had written on the other side in large purple colored pencil, “Fuck organized faith. Think for Yourself.”

The sign, though not espousing my thoughts on religion seemed destined for me. I had left seminary—and all the annoying group think of that system—a few weeks prior. I also left many good things—a solid community full of friends, who, in many ways know me better than anyone else, a diocese which cares about personal, spiritual and intellectual development, a spiritual guide able to shine light on dim paths.

I decided right then that although I espousing thinking for oneself, I wouldn’t leave my deep and personal relationship with organized faith behind. In the ensuing weeks since I have continued to go to mass and pray the office on my morning and evening commute. I’ve read four books and have continued to work on my own novel. I’ve made community with a beautiful family and find myself thrust into old relationships like big brother, dog owner, babysitter, errand runner. It all serves as a distinct reminder that love is best lived out with others.

In my work, I’m blessed to be around inspiring people actively actualizing their baptismal call to bring Christ into the world. It’s a long way from my previous life, which was long on future talk and granfallonary. But always present is God, guiding our actions, bringing us ever more into the now, presenting us with the chance to align our temporal concerns with his infinite grace, to be made perfect in our imperfection. Going forward I will deepen my relationship with the church. I will also continue to think for myself. As we enter the last two weeks of Lent, I believe, that in some respects, we really can have it all. Maybe we already do.